How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship

alleykat

Apr 30, 2008

Other

How to recognize that you are in an abusive relationship and help to get out.

Abusive relationships can be hard to identify. The person being abused sometime can put up a good front. I know I have done this myself. I finally could not take the abuse anymore and threw the man out. When I told my family, they couldn't believe it. The reason why is that I had become a pro at covering the violence up. I even made excuses for him.

After he left I enrolled in domestic violence classes for women. It was a great experience attending these classes. I learned that I was not alone and it happens more than you think. They taught me to make an escape plan for myself. Bring a change of clothes for you to a friends house and ask her to keep them. Slowly start to save money and put it in a safe place. If you have children you should have extra clothes for the set aside too.

There are shelter to go to and I know that I had to much pride to go to one, but it is an option. For a long time I felt like I couldn't do it on my own and I contemplated taking him back. I struggled, believe me it is a struggle. I had three children that needed me and that was enough to keep going. Most states have child care assistance that will help out some. I know one income does not go far but you can make it work. Reach out for assistance, do not be embarrassed to ask for help.

Here are some signs that were in my marriage that may help some one out:

He was very jealous of my friends and family, I would be questioned about where I went with them and what we talked about.

He belittled me in front of my peers. I had no self worth. He made me feel like I was lucky to have him.

There was pushing, hitting, slapping, pinching, screaming, and just flat out threatening me. He would damage my property. Take the phones with him to work so that I couldn't call anyone. He isolated me for everyone.

I also learned in my classes the cycle of violence.

Tension Building: This was the worst for me. I knew that he could explode at anytime and I would sometime provoke him just so the fight would be over with.

Acute Battering Incident: This is where all the tension that was building up finally ignites.

Honeymoon Phase: This is where the abuser says that they are deeply sorry for what has transpired and that it will never happen again. They never meant to hurt you, so you take them back and everything is good for a short time and then the cycle starts over.

I hope that this will anyone out that may be going through what I did.

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